


Dry Bones (the Dead Men Orgy Party version, as opposed to the Romantic Valduggery version)

by therealfroggy



Category: Skulduggery Pleasant - Derek Landy
Genre: F/M, First Time, Friends to Lovers, Voyeurism
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-02-24
Updated: 2019-02-24
Packaged: 2019-11-05 05:03:35
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,915
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17912516
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/therealfroggy/pseuds/therealfroggy
Summary: Skulduggery walks in on Valkyrie having sex with his friends, one after the other. Clearly, it's Skulduggery she wants, she just needs him to see how badly.(Everyone is alive and nobody is evil, because porn, and also because I think denial is going to bring the emotional safety of early series back.)





	Dry Bones (the Dead Men Orgy Party version, as opposed to the Romantic Valduggery version)

**Author's Note:**

> There are two different versions of this because I couldn't decide how the fic should pan out. They're both up and with the same title, so a search for "Dry Bones" should yield both (or check my profile).

Dry Bones: the Kinky Dead Men Orgy Party Version  
(as opposed to the Romantic Valduggery Version)

 

When Skulduggery walked in on Valkyrie and Erskine Ravel, his first thought was that Erskine was taking advantage of his young partner, and that he, Skulduggery, had a moral responsibility to make Erskine bleed for it. He had his gun in his hand and was ready to shoot until he heard Valkyrie moan like the end times were at hand.

“Fuck!” she gasped, arching into Erskine's thrusts.

They were in China's library, and Skulduggery had just rounded a corner when he saw them there. Erskine had Valkyrie lifted against a book case, and Valkyrie had a solid grip on a shelf above her head, using it to heave herself up and down on the Dead Man. Erskine was red-faced, sweating with exertion, and his grip on her thighs was draining his knuckles white.

Suddenly, Valkyrie turned her head and noticed him, and Skulduggery stood very, very still.

“Ravel,” she murmured, still looking straight at her skeletal partner, “look who's here.”

Erskine froze, looking at her in confusion. Then he turned, saw Skulduggery, and yelped in panic.

“Oh, fuck. Um, I mean, Val, maybe we should...”

“By all means,” Skulduggery said, his voice soft and dark, “do carry on.”

Erskine hesitated, looking uncomfortable. “Skulduggery, what are you -”

“Do carry on, and make damn sure she loves every second of it,” he growled, then leaned a hip against the shelf next to him. “Every. single. second, you understand me?”

Erskine still hesitated, looking uncertainly at Skulduggery, but Valkyrie was shuddering, rocking her hips minutely against his.

“Come on,” she urged, her heels kicking gently at the back of his legs. “Ravel, come on, don't stop!”

Erskine tore his petrified stare away from his old friend, and turned back to the beautiful young woman in his arms. Slowly, he resumed his thrusts, occasionally glancing nervously over his shoulder at Skulduggery.

“Harder,” Valkyrie complained, arms straining as she struggled to get enough leverage.

“The lady wants it harder, Ravel,” Skulduggery said, and cocked the hammer of his gun. “I am allowing you to enjoy yourself with my partner. The least you could do is make sure she likes it.”

Valkyrie gasped and arched again. Skulduggery cocked his head, looking at her with possessive curiosity, and spoke again.

“What's the matter, Erskine? I thought you were wildly experienced in these matters. Getting old?”

With every word, Valkyrie's eyes fluttered and her mouth fell open even further. She writhed in Erskine's arms, and the older sorcerer cursed as her hips bucked and she clearly did something to the part of him sliding inside her. She was... aroused. Impossibly so, if the musky scent and the little ripples of magic coming off her were any indication.

Skulduggery felt desire rage in his bones.

“Go away, Pleasant,” Erskine grunted, really putting his back into it. “Kind of busy here.”

“I would never abandon my partner in her hour of need,” Skulduggery said sardonically, watching Valkyrie gasp. “And clearly, you're not man enough for her.”

Erskine snarled and made as if to move away from Valkyrie, but she moved one hand from the shelf to his shoulder and pressed him close.

“Ravel,” she murmured in his ear, “deeper.”

The muscles in Erskine's arms shifted and strained as he hefted her and tried to get closer. Valkyrie put both arms around his shoulders and crossed her ankles behind his back, clinging to him like a limpet. Erskine grunted as he pushed her back against the shelves, rutting against her.

“Yeah,” Valkyrie sighed, eyes glassy. “Yeah, hard, go on!”

As the Dead Man and the young sorcerer made the shelf rattle and shake, Skulduggery looked on, gun never leaving his hand. He looked at Erskine making her moan, at Valkyrie crying out in delight as he leaned in to bite her neck, and for the first time since he had come back, Skulduggery cursed his bones for not being encased in flesh.

He wanted to be the one making Valkyrie's eyes roll back in her head like that. It was his place, no other man's, to make her gasp and sigh with pleasure. It filled him with rage to think of how many others had seen her like this, had had her like he never could. Valkyrie was his, but he could never possess her body, and despair gnawed at him.

Valkyrie was looking at him whenever her eyes weren't sliding shut as she neared her orgasm. She was looking at Skulduggery, her dark eyes glittering, and her open mouth was silently forming – Skulduggery frowned. That was not Erskine's name. Her lips were moving, as if she was repeatedly breathing a name, but it wasn't Erskine and it wasn't Ravel.

It was his own. Her lips were forming his own name. She was moaning for him.

Skulduggery's bones burned with lust. Valkyrie was being fucked by another man and even then it was his name on her lips. She was his, then. Truly and fully his.

Skulduggery would have smiled if he had had lips. Instead, he tilted his head a little to the side and looked at her intently. He put his gun away and took a few steps closer. Valkyrie smiled, then her brow furrowed as Erskine slammed her particularly hard into the book case.

“Yeah,” she moaned, “Ravel, come on!”

“What do you want, Valkyrie?” Skulduggery asked softly. “Tell me.”

She bit her lip, then yelped, “Harder!”

“Harder still?” Skulduggery growled, and her response was a moan. “Do you want him to bruise you, Valkyrie? To bite you until it leaves a mark? Do you want to feel it days from now, whenever you move?”

Valkyrie tensed up and cried out, and Erskine cursed loudly into her neck as he rode out her orgasm.

The detective felt a flare of pride. It might be Erskine fucking her, but she came at Skulduggery's command. She was his. And if he had to use a few other sorcerers to claim her, well. He supposed it couldn't be helped.

Skulduggery turned and walked away as he heard Erskine begin to grunt and groan. He had no interest in seeing his friend climax inside his partner, and the less he saw of other men marking his Valkyrie, the better. But he waited outside the library door until Valkyrie emerged.

“Have fun?” he growled.

“I did, yeah,” she grinned at him, straightening her clothes. “Loads.”

Skulduggery reached out and slid his hand through her hair, combing back the worst mess. “And Erskine?”

She shrugged. “I suppose he had fun, too. But that's really not my problem, is it.”

Skulduggery tilted his head to one side again. “No?”

“No. Whether _you_ had fun, on the other hand...”

He slid his hand further back until he could gently grasp the hair at the nape of her neck. “For once in my life, I'm not in the mood for banter, Valkyrie. Tell me. Was that disgusting spectacle for my benefit or for yours? Are you inviting me or taunting me?”

She hesitated. “Disgusting? D'you not want me, then?”

“I didn't say that,” he deflected, tugging a little on her hair. She easily followed his grip and half-closed her eyes. “Answer me.”

“For you,” she whispered, looking up at him with hooded eyes. “All for you.”

He looked at her for a long moment, then slowly released her hair. He turned and began walking away from her again.

“Come on, then. We have an informant to see.”

***

When Skulduggery walked in on Valkyrie and Saracen Rue, his first thought was of her impressive flexibility. Her legs were spread so wide Skulduggery began to wonder if she could do perfect splits now, and her knees were about parallel with her ribs. There was plenty of room for Rue between her thighs, and he was truly making the most of that space.

Rue didn't notice that Skulduggery had entered the kitchen, because he was so busy licking and nipping at Valkyrie's breasts. But she noticed. She turned her head just as he entered, as if she knew exactly when he would be coming in, and she smiled at him, wide and lewd and smug. She was being drilled nice and proper on his kitchen table, in the kitchen that Skulduggery had had remodelled just for her, in his own house, and she smiled at him.

“Now, is this any way to be spending time at a birthday party?” Skulduggery asked softly, closing the door behind him. Valkyrie might be doing her level best to make the rounds among his friends, but the detective would be damned if they got to see more of her than what he allowed.

Saracen stuttered and stopped what he was doing, and Valkyrie whined.

“Rue, it's fine, go on,” she murmured, turning his face back to her own with two fingers on his jaw. “Come on, don't stop.”

“But really -” Saracen began, but she pushed her hips up against his and he faltered.

“He's just concerned about me,” Valkyrie grinned, then looked over at Skulduggery even as she kept speaking to Saracen. “He doesn't mind.”

“I don't think I can,” he muttered, then began drawing back, but stopped as fire flared in Skulduggery's hand.

“Finish it,” Skulduggery growled. “And make it good. Make her moan, Saracen, or I won't be held responsible for my actions.”

Valkyrie did moan, then; long and loud and shameless. Saracen Rue stared down at her.

“You... like this?”

“Yeah,” she purred, bucking against him. “Love it.”

Emboldened, Saracen began thrusting again, glancing occasionally over at his friend. “You like it? Like him watching us?”

“Shut up,” Valkyrie moaned, her head lolling back. “Skulduggery...”

“I think our little Valkyrie is rather select in her tastes, Saracen,” Skulduggery said mockingly, waiting for her to finish moaning before he continued. “She likes this, alright. But I'm afraid it's my voice she's interested in hearing.”

Saracen raised his eyebrows, but turned back to the naked woman writhing beneath him. He slid one hand down to touch her sex, and grinned when she whimpered.

“Nothing is more important to me than Valkyrie's well-being, Saracen,” Skulduggery threatened. “I want you to make absolutely sure that she is enjoying herself.”

Determined, Saracen threw his back into it and began rubbing with more determination. Valkyrie cried out and reached a hand out towards Skulduggery, but it fell onto the table as she lost control of herself and began shaking with the effort to reach climax.

“C'mon,” she gritted out, “more!”

“A little help?” Saracen panted, looking briefly over at Skulduggery. He raised his hand to his lips, licked his thumb, then put it back on her. His hips were jolting the table, making it squeak against the linoleum.

“Valkyrie,” Skulduggery began, but that was all it took. With Saracen's hands on her and Skulduggery's voice in her ear, she tensed up and twitched all over as she came, moaning, hands scrabbling against the table for purchase. She bit off each syllable of her partner's name as if they were hurting her tongue.

“Skulduggery!”

“That's harsh,” Saracen muttered, still thrusting inside her. “Skulduggery, do you mind? I'd like to... alone.”

Skulduggery left the kitchen without a word, and headed back to Dexter's birthday party with heat burning in his empty rib cage, a flame that he had no way of extinguishing. He wanted her so badly he felt his bones ache. And all he could do was stand there and seethe.

Later, when the guests had gone home and they had poured Vex into a taxi, and Saracen Rue had shamefacedly hid behind Ghastly all night, Valkyrie looked at Skulduggery and bit her lip uncertainly.

“Can I sleep here?”

“You always sleep here when it's too late to go home,” Skulduggery said. “I've made up the sofa bed.”

Valkyrie smiled warmly at him. “Oh. Okay, thanks.”

“But Valkyrie?”

She froze, looking at him with big, dark eyes. “Yeah?”

“Take a shower. You still smell like him.”

Valkyrie tried, unsuccessfully, to hide her grin as she headed for Skulduggery's bathroom – the bathroom he didn't need, that he'd installed just for her. When the door clicked shut behind her, Skulduggery went to the armchair in the corner to settle in for the night.

He would watch over her. Look out for her. He always did.

***

When Skulduggery walked in on Valkyrie and Anton Shudder, they hadn't actually started having sex yet. They were all assembled at Gordon's house – Valkyrie's house – for a small celebration of their latest successful case, and Skulduggery had graciously offered to fetch them both a beer. The rest of the Dead Men and some other select guests – China and Tanith, mostly – were in the living room, sharing drinks and stories. But Valkyrie, Skulduggery and Shudder had become engrossed in conversation in one of the downstairs lounge rooms, and so had yet to rejoin the others.

Skulduggery got up and went to the kitchen, clapping Ghastly on the shoulder as he passed him en route, then returned to the lounge, sweating bottles in hand. When he re-entered the small room, he found Valkyrie kneeling astride Shudder's lap, hands on the older mage's belt.

“Skulduggery,” Shudder said, looking far too nervous for a mage of his strength and ability. “Perhaps you would like to... talk to your... to Valkyrie.”

“Yes, I suppose I would, but it won't do us much good just yet,” Skulduggery said, putting the bottles down on the table. “She only ever listens to me while in the throes of passion, you see.”

Shudder flinched.

“See, I told you, he's fine with it,” Valkyrie murmured, then leaned in to nibble along Shudder's neck. “It's our thing. You want to help me out with my part? I'm really good at it, I promise.”

Shudder gave a bark of laughter. “I don't doubt it. Only, it seems a little... disturbed.”

Valkyrie began whispering in Shudder's ear, and Skulduggery felt jealous rage building inside him. What was she telling him? What words were poured from her lips, just for Shudder, kept from Skulduggery? Would she share more than her glorious body with the rest of the Dead Men, rather than with Skulduggery?

Shudder gave a groan and let Valkyrie put his big hands on her breasts. He touched them eagerly, kneading slightly, looking up at her with a dazed expression. She threw her hair back over her shoulder and looked sideways at Skulduggery.

“Coming?”

Skulduggery went to stand behind the couch so that he could see her face, but not Shudder's. Valkyrie seemingly turned her attention back to the hotelier, but she kept glancing up at her partner every few seconds.

“Undo your trousers,” she whispered in Shudder's ear, then got to her feet. She was wearing a dress for the occasion – a short, informal summer dress with narrow straps and a wide skirt – and she simply reached up underneath the hemline, slid her underpants down her legs, and stepped out of them. She was barefoot on the lush carpet and then she was kneeling up in the couch again.

“Wait,” Shudder said, “let me take care of you first.”

“It's okay,” Valkyrie began, but Shudder's hands were pulling her up, and then she was on her feet, standing on the couch. Shudder put his hands on her legs and pulled her closer, and lifted her skirt out of the way. Valkyrie grinned.

“Well. This is nice. I don't think I want us to skip this part after all,” she said, but she was looking at Skulduggery as she said it.

The skeleton detective watched as she began to flush, then to breathe heavily, and then her pupils dilated. Shudder's head was moving against her, and Valkyrie's legs began to quake a little. She gasped as Shudder's hand disappeared under her skirt, and then she nearly fell.

Skulduggery caught her. He stood close to the couch, and even though she was tilting towards him on shaky legs, he steadied her as easily as if they were flying together. She put her hands on his shoulders, and leaned her forehead against his, and because he was so much taller than her the height difference was almost evened out.

“Skulduggery,” she moaned, hands clutching at his jacket. “Skulduggery...”

He slid his arms around her, held her, and except for the fact that her lower body was too far away, it was like he was the one making her moan. She was in his arms and she was shivering with pleasure. It was everything he had wanted for years.

Almost.

“Fuck!” she suddenly yelped, and her eyes rolled back. She came, came right there while Skulduggery held her and he couldn't help himself, he growled. She cried out as her orgasm rolled on, and pressed her face against his shoulder.

“Skulduggery,” she whimpered, rubbing her cheek against his shoulder. “Don't stop touching me.”

Then she pushed back a little, just enough to be able to slide down and land in Anton's lap. She leaned in and gave him a wet kiss, then reached down to take him out of his trousers.

“Wow, Shudder,” she grinned, looking up at him. “This looks like _a lot_ of fun.”

Shudder barked a laugh, then helped steady himself as she manoeuvred them into place. Valkyrie looked up at Skulduggery, and laced a hand together with his on the back of the couch. Then she slid down on Anton, letting out a happy sigh as she was filled.

Skulduggery held her hand as she was fucked by another Dead Man. When she threw a pleading glance his way, he told her in a low voice how good she looked, how _being fucked_ suited her better than anything he'd ever seen, and she came again and wailed his name.

Skulduggery stayed until Shudder had finished, this time. She didn't let go of his hand, and he didn't press the issue. Valkyrie needed him, and that was all there was to it. But when Shudder began nuzzling into her neck, sated and tired and affectionate, the skeleton detective had to admit defeat. He couldn't take it anymore. So he left her to make herself presentable, and went to rejoin the party.

When the other guests were finally leaving, however, Valkyrie looked at him with tears in her eyes, and he pulled her into a long hug to apologize. He stroked her hair and silently promised himself to find a healthier hobby than obsession.

She smiled up at him and he knew he would never keep such silly promises.

***

When Skulduggery finally agreed to be present from the start rather than keep walking in on her with various Dead Men, Valkyrie chose Dexter Vex for their joint adventure. She asked Skulduggery if he would prefer China, or if she should try to persuade Ghastly and Tanith, but Skulduggery shook his head and told her to try and arrange things with Dexter. He had to admit, despite Valkyrie being fiercely determined and painfully beautiful, Skulduggery had his doubts as to whether Vex would even consider it.

They lured Dexter in with an informal invitation to have a few drinks and watch the game at Gordon's house. They didn't tell him there would be no other Dead Men invited, and he seemed surprised when he found himself alone with Skulduggery and Valkyrie, but he didn't seem suspicious until Valkyrie got up at half-time and kissed him.

Skulduggery watched with steadily growing fury. Vex was utterly discombobulated.

“What's going on?” Dexter asked, staring from Valkyrie to the skeleton detective. “I thought you two... Well...”

“I'd like you to join us,” Valkyrie murmured, running appreciative hands down Dexter's stomach. “Or rather, it'll be Skulduggery joining _us_. Sort of.”

“I don't think -” Dexter began, but Skulduggery interrupted him.

“Have I ever denied Valkyrie anything she wants, Dexter? Would I not go to quite ridiculous lengths to keep her happy?”

“Well, yeah,” Dexter began, but then Valkyrie cupped him through his trousers and he sucked in a shocked breath.

“I need a little extra, sometimes, and I think you can give me that,” Valkyrie said with a grin. Then she removed her top, and stood before them completely bare from the waist up. “So? Coming?”

Vex swallowed audibly. “Sure. I guess. Skulduggery, you're absolutely sure -”

“Her requirements are specific,” Skulduggery said, then led the way as they headed up towards the bedroom. “Make sure you fulfil them, Dexter, or I might be forced to shoot you.”

Dexter laughed, but quickly stopped as he realised his old friend was serious.

Valkyrie undressed quickly and stood before them, tall and pale and otherworldly in her unique form of beauty. Skulduggery's fingers twitched. He cocked his head to one side.

“Well?”

“Skulduggery, get on the bed,” Valkyrie said, grinning. “Sit upright, like, against the pillows.”

There were mountains of pillows at the top of the bed. Skulduggery had been informally dressed all evening, and wore only shirt, waistcoat and trousers. Even his gloves were off for the occasion. He toed off his shoes and did as he was told. He hadn't asked her for specifics earlier. He hadn't been able to stand it.

Valkyrie climbed on the bed after him, and for the first time, she seemed hesitant. “Can I touch you?”

The question was asked so softly that he barely heard it. Still, he would never deny her anything. He nodded once, slowly.

Her whole face lit up in a beatific smile, and she moved over to him on all fours. Skulduggery's mouth would have been dry, had he had one. She was a jungle cat, sleek and playful and deadly. She knelt over him, far too close for him to not smell her arousal, and then, slowly, put a hand on his shoulder. He carefully did not make a sound.

“Vex, come on,” she said, looking back at the other man over her shoulder. “I'm ready.”

Vex stared, but quickly got his sweater off, his trousers open, and as he was ridding himself of the remainder of his clothes, Valkyrie turned back to Skulduggery.

“It's you I want,” she whispered, letting her hand slide up towards his bony neck. “Only you.”

Skulduggery's heart, though gone, thundered in his chest. The phantom sensation was painful.

“Um, should I not... I mean, for you...?” Dexter asked, still hesitating even as he joined them on the bed. But though his voice was full of doubt, he was hard already and his eyes were dark.

Skulduggery hated him a little, just then.

“I'll be fine,” Valkyrie said dismissively. She finally let her fingertips brush against Skulduggery's jaw, and she drew a shuddering breath. “Just... go. Start. Get on with it.”

Dexter laughed. “Impatient little thing, inn't she?” He grasped hold of himself and shuffled closer behind her, and Skulduggery tore his eyes away to stare into Valkyrie's eyes as she was filled for the first time that night.

She stared back at him, mouth slightly open, lips red and wet where she'd licked them. Her eyes were so dark they could have been his own sockets. A high flush spread over her cheeks. When she breathed out, Skulduggery gave in to his urges and touched her.

Her hand on his jawbone. His hand on her neck. The energy between them was electric.

“Skulduggery,” Valkyrie moaned, eyes slipping shut. “Touch me.”

As if the first touch of his finger bones on her skin had unleashed an addiction, he found he couldn't have refused her if he had wanted to. He touched her face, her hair, her neck, her breasts. His hands slid down her arms and felt her body rock with Vex' movements behind her. He put a hand gently around her neck and felt her pulse throb in his grip.

She was in his arms, she was moaning his name, and she was being taken by a man. Again. It was as close as he would ever come to what he wanted. Skulduggery watched her with an aching certainty inside him that this was all he would get. He would savour it, such as it was.

Slowly, hesitantly, Skulduggery slid one hand along her skin until he found her sex. He met her eyes and waited for her approval, but she was biting her lip and staring at him like there was nobody else in the room. He cocked his head to the side, asking permission. She sighed his name and nodded quickly.

Skulduggery placed two fingers against her clit and let Vex' thrusts move her body into his touch. Valkyrie gasped at the first touch, then began keening softly as the rubbing kept up in time with the thrusts. Skulduggery watched her with awe and a desperate need as she grew more and more aroused, as her body strained for release.

“Please, please,” she moaned, hands clutching at Skulduggery's shoulders. “I want...”

Skulduggery fisted one hand in her hair and rubbed harder at her clit. Valkyrie cried out and shuddered into climax, collapsing into his arms as little jolts ran through her. Vex moaned behind her, but the skeleton detective ignored him completely as Valkyrie wailed through her orgasm, her lips against Skulduggery's clavicle. She was a pliant, shivering mass in his arms.

And Skulduggery held her close through the aftershocks of sensation, through Vex' own roar as he came, and steadied her as the other man's frantic movements at the end pushed her further onto Skulduggery. He held her and wished Vex would go away so he could enjoy this with his partner, alone.

Vex did leave, eventually. Valkyrie grinned and gave him a quick kiss and thanked him for a lovely evening, and Skulduggery barely nodded as the suddenly embarrassed Dexter Vex let himself out of the bedroom and disappeared downstairs. Skulduggery followed him so he could lock the front door and fetch a glass of water for Valkyrie, and then he went back upstairs to her.

“Don't go,” she murmured, already sleepy and settling in between the covers. “Stay here.”

Skulduggery removed the vest and suspenders, and then climbed back into the bed with her. She immediately snuggled up to him, and laid her head on his skeletal chest even though it was bony and uncomfortable. Her hand tightened in his shirt and she slid one leg up over his thigh bone.

“Thank you,” she sighed in a sleep-tinged murmur.

Skulduggery lay there, holding her, feeling her body against his own, knowing she had just been made very happy. Knowing he was a part of her happiness. It was more than he had ever thought he would have, and it would be enough. He told himself he would make do.

***

When Skulduggery walked in on Valkyrie, however, things changed.

He had just come home, to his own house. He had parked the Bentley, unlocked his front door, and then locked it behind him before hanging up his hat. He walked through the hallway and into the living room before he noticed her presence.

She was there, lying on the sofa bed, naked and gloriously spread for him. In her hands was a small, bright pink toy, buzzing discreetly, and her eyes were locked to his from the moment he entered the room.

“Skulduggery,” she moaned, “please?”

“No man this time?” he asked, as he began to undo his jacket buttons.

“No more men,” she gasped, writhing with pleasure. “Never. No one else. Skulduggery!”

“And what of your needs?” he insisted. He hung the jacket and vest over a chair, never taking his eyes off her. Then he began undoing his top shirt buttons. “You'll need a man, a living man, to -”

“No!” she snapped, sitting up and moving the toy away from her. “Dammit, Skulduggery, I've told you already, I only want you! I had the others because you wouldn't come to me alone. I used them to bring me closer to you. I don't care if you're dead; I want you!”

“And what do you expect a dead man to give you that you couldn't have better from almost anyone else?” he growled, standing over her and looking down at the only thing he truly wanted.

“Nothing that you've not already given me,” she said softly, then reached up and took his hand. “Take the gloves off, Skulduggery. And the shirt. I want to see all of you. I _want_ all of you.”

He hesitated, but did as she told him. Her eyes took in every bone, every inch of white, as he undressed. Her eyes darkened when he removed his shirt; her mouth fell open a little when he undid his trousers. He let his fine suit fall to the floor and she bit her lip.

“Well,” he said, finally just an animated skeleton, no suit, no armour. “There we are.”

Valkyrie reached up for him, and he went to kneel over her on the sofa bed, just looking down at her for a moment. She smiled briefly, then her face crumpled in worry.

“Skulduggery, please. I... I need to know you want this.”

“I have used my oldest and dearest friends like disposable toys to get closer to you,” Skulduggery said softly. “You know how much I want you. But there is nothing I can do about it.”

The smile that broke out over her face was not entirely reassuring, but she reached up and put her hands gently on his ribs. “Well... You could try using your fingers, for a start.”

Skulduggery cocked his head to one side. “And when that fails to excite you? I was there, Valkyrie – I saw what you wanted from the others.”

Glaring suddenly, she grabbed his hand and yanked it down to her sex. She pushed his fingers against her and he could feel her wetness. She was so warm to the touch.

“All you, Skulduggery,” she snapped, angrily rubbing her fingers over his to make him touch her. “This? This is just from thinking about you, touching myself. I don't want anything else. Anybody else. Trust me to know what I want!”

“And the others?” he pressed, but he kept touching her and she drew a deep, shuddering breath. “Vex? Rue? Ravel and Shudder?”

“Toys,” she said dismissively, and he paused, looking at her. She shook her head. “Fine, fine, whatever. People. I don't care! That's the thing, I just don't care about any of them!”

Skulduggery pushed two fingers inside her and put his thumb on her clit. Valkyrie moaned and writhed beneath his hands.

“And if I ordered you to never have sex with them again, and you could never have that... never feel like that again?” he demanded, feeling unreasonably afraid of the answer.

“Wouldn't,” she gasped, bucking on his fingers. “This! Want this, want you.”

She began making soft noises and tossing her head back and forth. Skulduggery let his other hand slide up until he was cupping her breast, and she gave another moan.

“What, then, if I ordered you to lie there and let all the Dead Men take turns fucking you while I watched? If I demanded you scream my name at every climax?” he growled.

Valkyrie came, hard.

Skulduggery stilled, his fingers inside her feeling her clench, watching her body heave with the spasms of pleasure as she rolled through her orgasm. She bit back noises and he rubbed her again, making her utter those sounds aloud.

“Fuck!” she grit out.

“You liked that,” he said, slowly, marvelling at the very idea. “You want me to use you, and pass you around, and you'll still be mine.”

“Yours,” she agreed, voice raw with moaning. “I'll do whatever you want me to, Skulduggery. Anything. I want you to... I want you to do anything you want to me.”

“If I ordered you to have sex with Tanith, or China, purely for my viewing pleasure?”

“In a heartbeat,” she swore.

“If I want to see you bent over in a cell, fucked by some prisoner locked up for life?” he snarled softly, and she turned to look him right in the eyes. There was fear there.

“If... if you wanted to.”

Skulduggery slowly moved his fingers in her, keeping her wriggling underneath him, mulling this over. He had no desire to see her fucked by criminals who had done nothing to deserve her. But his need to see her happy simply didn't stop at seeing her temporarily satisfied by his fingers.

“But the Dead Men...” he began, then stopped. It was one thing to be carried away in the heat of the moment, and quite another to seriously consider such a thing.

Valkyrie whimpered and clenched on his fingers again. “Yeah. Skulduggery, I won't, I'll never touch anyone unless you've said so, but if you wanted... If you claimed me, publicly, in front of... I'd love it.”

He considered it.

“We'll have to see about that,” he said finally, and she relaxed beneath him as he withdrew his fingers.

“But if you... well... If you really wanted to, to take me like that...” Valkyrie began, and then, remarkably, flushed a deep crimson. She usually never blushed. And he had seen her in rather compromising situations before; she didn't blush.

“Yes?” he encouraged, looking down at her. She was so beautiful it made him ache to just let his consciousness melt away from his bones and sink into her, join with her, be part of her instead of himself.

“There's... well, there's always this,” she said, trying for nonchalance and failing as she pulled something from a box on the floor.

He hadn't even noticed that box until that moment, he was so distracted by her.

“Explain,” he encouraged, then sat back a little so she could push up.

“It's... It goes in a harness,” she said, still deep red. “And you can... There's a remote.”

Skulduggery stopped. He stared at her. “I have to admit, I have no idea what you're talking about,” he finally said.

Valkyrie averted her eyes as she pulled out a fake phallus and a bundle of straps, then dumped them in Skulduggery's hands.

He examined it. Clearly, the phallus was meant to be strapped around one's hips, and then someone without such an appendage could enjoy fucking his partner thoroughly. Without another man to make up the numbers.

“You need me to use this?” he asked quietly.

“No!” she said, suddenly apprehensive again. “No, I don't need to! Just, you were kind of... on about it? I mean, it seemed important to you. And I got you this. So... if you'd like. We could try.”

“But you... Valkyrie, tell me. Hide nothing. Can you be content with me, just me?” he demanded, looking at her flushed, shivering body. Alive and warm and needy.

“I'll be happy with you,” she said softly, reaching a hand up to stroke his skull. “I... I'm... I'm in love with you, Skulduggery, nobody else. I only want you. I want you to be happy, too. If I get to have you, then anything else is just set-dressing. But anything you want is fine with me.”

“I'm a jealous man, Valkyrie,” he said, running his hands down her body.

She shuddered when he touched her. “I know. I'll be yours, all yours. I don't need anything else.”

“But seeing you being fucked by the Dead Men...”

Her eyes widened, and her hands slid over his ribs. Her fingers, quick and gentle, darted in between his bones occasionally, and it felt like she was trying to burrow into him as he wanted to do with her.

“I love hearing you scream my name no matter who is taking you,” he admitted, and she smiled at his admission.

“I'll do anything you want me to, Skulduggery. With whomever, or nobody else,” she said, and it sounded like she was trying to persuade him even though they were clearly locked into this together. “And if you don't like the, the harness...”

“Oh, I like the idea of this,” he interrupted. “Do you think it can be tightened enough that I can use it?”

Valkyrie's face flamed. “I... I got Ghastly to help.”

Skulduggery gave a start. “Beg pardon?”

“I told him that I had a set of straps that needed to fit you, and that it was important they didn't come loose. I might have told him we were doing something illegal. I don't think he believed me,” she grinned, face still red.

“You made Ghastly Bespoke help you make me a strap-on so I can take you without involving other men,” Skulduggery summarised, just to be sure.

“That sounds about right,” she said, then bit her lip. “Would you? Would you... use this on me?”

Skulduggery stood up, then, and picked up the straps and the phallus. “Show me how to put it on.”

There was a bit of a struggle before they managed it, and Skulduggery felt absolutely ridiculous, but when he stood before Valkyrie with the fake erection strapped to his skeletal hips, she looked at him like she was dying and he was her cure. She scooted back a little on the sofa bed, laid down on her back, and held her arms out wide to him.

“Skulduggery, please.”

“Again? You greedy little thing,” he muttered, kneeling above her once more.

She laughed. “I can't get enough of you.”

He couldn't deny it felt undeniably odd; the weight of the thing was putting him a little off-balance. It didn't feel like an extension of himself, but rather like a tool belt. Which it was, in a sense, he knew. But she was spreading her legs wide for him, and her eyes were dark and hungry.

He found her wet for him, and his chest felt tight and alive in a way it hadn't for centuries.

“Skulduggery,” she whimpered, and he pushed the tip of the phallus inside her, and then she wailed in pleasure as he slid the rest in easily.

He couldn't feel her heat directly, but he felt everything else. How she writhed beneath him, how her breasts pressed and flattened against his ribcage when he leaned in to nip at her neck, how her breath made his bones damp when she panted against the side of his skull. His hips bucked steadily and he felt her jolt a little with each thrust. He felt her soft skin underneath his hands, and he saw the look in her eyes.

She was his, fully and unashamedly. She was offering up everything she was to him.

“Love you,” she gasped as she arched her neck and her head rolled back. “Skulduggery...”

He wanted her to have everything. He wanted her to be all his. The skeleton detective shifted his weight to one side so he had a free hand, and slid that hand down her skin until he could touch her clit gently.

She bit her lip. “Harder. Please.”

He complied and she made little whimpering noises, trying to hold back the sounds but distracted by pleasure. He pushed his fingers against her and looked at her face, searching to see if she needed more.

“Valkyrie,” he said, and she gasped for breath and arched up into him as she climaxed again. She cried out, her arms tightened around him, and her eyes scrunched shut.

“Ah!”

Skulduggery stopped moving and held still, letting her get her breath back. He watched her eyes slowly flutter open, her mouth pant and her tongue wet her dry lips, he was mesmerized by the movements of her breasts as she shuddered with sensation. He watched and waited and loved her for being all his. For accepting him so effortlessly.

“Skulduggery,” she breathed, “that was amazing.”

“As good as Vex?” he murmured, apparently hell-bent on destroying the mood but unable to control himself.

“Way better, and you know it,” she sighed. She slid her hands up and down his back, and her fingers played over his ribs. “I've wanted you for so long, I just didn't know how to make you see it.”

“Now you're just trying to stroke my ego,” he said softly, and gently withdrew the phallus from inside her. She gave a little moan as he ran his hands over her thighs as he withdrew. “I like it.”

She grinned up at him. “Just wait until you hear about the things I want to do with you. You'll become unbearably arrogant, as opposed to just slightly arrogant, like you are now.”

Skulduggery shook his head. “And here I was beginning to worry that you'd be too nice to me now that we've become... well, this also.”

“You eejit,” she laughed, and reached up for him.

***

Skulduggery Pleasant never walked in on his partner having sex with anyone ever again, as he was always present from the start thereafter. Even when he occasionally – usually on birthdays – invited all the Dead Men around to fuck her until she couldn't walk, he sat through every second of it. And Valkyrie never took her eyes off him, never moaned any name other than his, never once gave him cause for doubt.

Even China, naked and licking Valkyrie all over, barely garnered a second glance from the young sorcerer.

Skulduggery watched, and knew it was all for him, and he felt lust for Valkyrie ignite his bones again and again. His dry, old bones were coming to life every time she touched him.

He had never felt so alive, and he loved her for it.


End file.
